"Everybody's Changing and I don't know why"

Before I write this blog I want to make it very clear that I am really looking forward to going to University and nothing will change that in my mind. That is what makes this so hard.

Even with all the drama of visiting open days, sending off applications, constantly refreshing my email for offers or invitations and all the other stressful but exciting elements of the process, there is always this lingering thought in the back of my mind that I'm going to have to leave everything I love behind.

This thought causes me to break down into tears or struggle against them at many inconvenient times often in public. Today's venue for my break down was the school music room before a band rehearsal for the school production. Luckily, I had two very lovely girls, who I would class as some of my closest friends, were on hand to comfort me. That is not something you see in every subject area, a year 13 student crying on the shoulder of a year 10 student. Another reason why it is so difficult to leave. I would count the whole music department at Plume as an extended family and I'll miss the year 7s just as much as the year 12s, it's as if there isn't an age difference and I can't imagine finding that sort of atmosphere anywhere else.

I understand that things change, but the moments when you realise things have changed or are changing always manage to take you by surprise. When we were in Secondary school, we looked back on the friends we no longer talked to from primary school. Now we're in Sixth form, we look back on the friends we no longer talk to from secondary school and no doubt, when we're at University we'll look back on the friends we no longer talk to from sixth form, it's a never ending circle. Things change and I am a believer in fate so if you don't end up friends with them forever then I suppose you have to appreciate the time you were friends for.

There are definitely people who's friendship I took for granted. There are two boys who I was friends with while doing my GCSEs. I would have never spent time with either of them outside of school but I always enjoyed their company during lessons and times spent with them are probably some of the most enjoyable of my school life. One of them I drifted apart from in year 11 and when he moved to another sixth form, we weren't likely to make an effort to keep in touch. I still see the other frequently but for various reasons, we're not exactly on the best of terms anymore and until today, if I'm honest that didn't really bother me at all. The impending departure at the end of year has really made me think about how much those little friendships mean to you, they are never people you'd call your best friends but when you're not really on speaking terms with that person, it makes you realise that you miss the days when you could spend a Study Support lesson laughing with no awkardness.

This may be too personal for a blog post but if this blog wasn't a little personal, would anyone be interested at all?

Because I am aware that things are going to change a lot at the end of this year, I am determined to enjoy my last year in Maldon. I have got various exciting things planned for over the year but it's more about spending as much time as possible enjoying the company of my friends. Particuarly my two best friends. I know that not everything is good between you at the moment but I can't handle spending the year not being able to spend time with both of you together.

This is an open letter to my choir four in particular. I miss our friendship more than anything and propose a dominoes and X factor night very soon.

Katy xxx